Soooo, it’s been a while hasn’t it? I’ve just had so much going on that I have not been able to find one minute of free time to sit down and write. Lots has happened – we got married, I started working at a new job, we started serious home renovations. A time of lots of upheaval and change. But here’s one thing that didn’t happen – I didn’t diet. and here’s another thing – I didn’t gain weight. Usually when I’ve spent 3 months ‘off the wagon’ I gain a lot of weight. This time I’ve gone up and down the same 3 lbs but no major shifts. I didn’t really lose any weight either but then, I wasn’t trying to.
What have I been doing? Basically been trying to practice intuitive eating with varying degrees of success. This shit is hard. I remember the first day I started experimenting with intuitive eating – I had a panic attack at the amount I had eaten. Not because I had eaten much more than I normally do, in fact I suspect it was much less. After I was done, I felt full, I could feel the food in my belly and it was terrifying to have that feeling but not say to myself ‘Tomorrow you’ll eat less’. I have been on ‘last supper’ binges where I ate 10 times that amount, been full to the point of bursting, but felt completely fine emotionally because I kept telling myself that tomorrow I would eat nothing. It was really uncomfortable to eat what I wanted and not keep up an internal dialogue of how much I would deprive myself the next day.
That period of discomfort didn’t last long – primarily because I left for India soon after. I don’t know what it is but getting out of the U.S. always makes my food habits better and less fraught with emotion. I spent 6 weeks pretty much eating what I wanted, but exercising 6 days a week and my weight remained steady. It was hard though to keep myself from going down the ‘this wedding would be easier/better/less stressful if I were thinner’ train of thought – you know, the typical fantasy of being thin bullshit. I would say I was moderately successful but there’s a whole ‘nother post brewing in my head about that issue. I’ve been back for two months now and still eating intuitively but not healthy, which is something I have some real issues with – again another post brewing. I promise I will actually write about all this.
And what the fuck is up with wordpress no longer allowing me to put line spaces between paragraphs? My apologies for the strange run-on sentence look but I’ve spent 15 minutes trying to fix it and can’t… that’s what I get for not posting for months, I guess