I haven’t really been doing any in the last few weeks – sure, I can blame the nausea and tiredness but I have to admit that’s not the whole story. I have slowly been falling into my usual perfectionist patterns and my mind starts rationalizing not exercising with ‘Well, you’re going to get fatter anyway and you can’t do anything about it so what’s the point? Everyone keeps telling you not to over exert so you can’t really work out that much anyway, you’re going to be doing nothing but walking and lifting light weights which we all know does nothing. If you can’t lift heavy weights and fit in 3-4 HIIT sessions a week what’s the point?’ And then from there we switch over to some good old fashioned self hatred ‘ Well, you could have been doing all that if you had been doing it regularly before you got pregnant. And no, doing it regularly for 4 weeks and then not again for 3 weeks does not count as regular. But you couldn’t get it together to get a regular exercise program going, could you? Now you’re stuck doing nothing and just getting fatter.’

But then I read Skwigg’s inspirational post last week and got all fired up. Yeah, maybe I have to be careful, but if I spend the next 9 months walking, doing some body weight exercises, yoga, swimming, weights I’ll probably be a lot better off than if I don’t do anything at all. So feeling pumped up with inspiration, I packed my exercise clothes and sneakers for my conference determined to get in some walking while I was gone. Except, I got to Colorado and couldn’t walk for 5 minutes without getting short of breath. While I knew it was just my body adjusting to the altitude, it scared me – ordinarily I might have pushed it, but now that I have no idea how my body reacts, I didn’t want to risk it in a place where I didn’t know a soul.

That’s OK, I said, holding on tight to my motivation. I’ll wait until I get home and just start when I get back – I will not use this as an excuse to give up for a month. Except, on the flight home the niggling sore back I’d had for two weeks flared into a full on back ache complete with sharp twinges of pain down my legs and butt. I couldn’t sit, couldn’t stand, couldn’t bend and definitely couldn’t walk. Alrighty then, still smiling grimly, still keeping a death grip on that motivation – no problem, I’ll go to the chiropractor, give it a day or so and then get back in the game. Have a beautiful weekend coming up, I’ll be out walking.

Friday morning I wake up and do a little scan of the body – can I breathe without sounding like I’m about to keel over? Check, Yay being back at sea level! Can I move my back without a scorching flame of pain making it’s way down my leg? Check! Can I walk, bend, sit? Check! Yes! I can get back on the exercise wagon. Oh wait, oh no, what the fuck is this? Why does it feel like someone is sliding razor blades down my throat every time I swallow? And that, my friends, was the beginning of a cold that sapped my will to live for the last four days.

Apparently pregnant women aren’t allowed to use decongestants. You have not lived until you have faced the death cold armed with nothing but a goddamn neti pot. I made it through the weekend and am only just feeling like I could do something physical like feeding myself. I have lost 3 pounds and oh! the mindfuck of pregnancy – I’m now worried about losing weight. Anyway, so last week was a total loss as far a exercise is concerned. But, I’m holding onto that motivation – I’ll let you know how it goes this week!

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