or really more sleep… Part of being a new mom and having no sleep is that it makes you unable to problem solve and everything seems like a huge deal.  I realized yesterday that for the last two weeks I’ve been doing the entire night shift, from 10pm to about 6 am.  I’m not really sure why I started this.

In part because it was working in the beginning – LittleC seemed to sleep really well next to me and it seemed silly to wake someone else up when the only thing he needed was to eat.  This also coincided with some hellacious family drama where Mr. CC was being told to ‘send her [me] out of the house or to another room’ if I didn’t feel up to having visitors come see the baby.  I think this roused all my mama bear instincts and I just didn’t want to be away from LittleC.  Part of the fall out from this family drama is that we have decided to move from this house and to sell it, which is going to require a lot of work – both physical and emotional.  This is the house that Mr. CC’s father, who has passed away, lived in and it is probably taking an emotional toll on Mr. CC to leave, as is the reason we are leaving – which is that the family that he is closest to, his mother and his uncle, are a bunch of insensitive, self-centered, controlling jackasses.  In taking over the night shift I have been both protecting and punishing him.  Protecting by letting him sleep since I know he’s going through a lot emotionally.  Punishing because I feel so let down by him in certain ways (no, he can’t control his family, but he could have taken certain steps to ensure that we aren’t so vulnerable to their craziness) that I just didn’t want to rely on him for anything at all.  Yes, all together now – ‘cutting off your nose…’

Anyway, LittleC does not sleep well next to me any more.  He does all this snuffling and moving, sometimes he’ll even cry in his sleep which wakes me up.  He used to go 2-3 hours at a stretch, but now the presence of my breasts seem to wake him up – he will try to feed almost constantly.  Two nights ago he slept for about 3 hours in his bassinet – a feat that was accomplished by swaddling him and playing white noise loudly on my Ipod – but I just lay there waiting for him to wake up.  Couldn’t sleep at all.  So last night I decided I needed to get some sleep.  I put my mum and Mr. CC in charge.  My mum had the 10-2 shift and Mr.CC had him from 3-10 am.  I slept and woke only to feed him, they took him to another room and were responsible for dealing when he woke.  I slept from 12-2:30, 3:30-6:30 and 7 – 10 and I feel like a new woman.  Things don’t seem quite as bleak.  I’m going to do this for a few more nights – it doesn’t matter how many catnaps I get, not sleeping during the night really does a number on me.   LittleC is also doing much better in his bassinet.  He will sleep in there for a couple of hours at a stretch.  The white noise really seems to be helping – atleast for now.  Nothing seems to work for more than a few days!