So, I decided that I miss my little anonymous corner of the world where I can navel gaze and talk about my boobs.  Time to get back to it. To catch you up in no particular order:

  • LittleC is almost a year old!  6 Teeth, crawling, and a few weeks away from walking.  I stopped breastfeeding when he was about 9 months old.  See: 6 teeth.  The biting was awful and I was getting stressed when he nursed, and I didn’t want breastfeeding to end on bad note.  Plus, he seemed ready – I felt like I was forcing him to nurse and after a few weeks of this I gave it up, with not one protest from him.  And the pumping, oh god the pumping, how I hated it.
  • Motherhood: God I freaking love it! I always thought I would be OK with not having kids, never felt a strong desire to have kids, even when we planned LittleC, I was excited and ready for him, but wasn’t swooning at the sight of a baby, if you know what I mean.  Frankly, I didn’t think I had the patience for kids/babies.  Turns out I do.  And I just love this process of helping him become the person he is.  Had I known I love being a mother this much, I’d have started earlier and had 4-5!   I guess, I should live through the teen years before making up my mind.
  • New business:  Slow, very slow, but mostly because I’m not pushing.  Turns out raising a little human takes a lot of time and energy.  But what life coaching I’m doing I LOVE!  And not be an asshole, but I’m really good at it. The few clients I have really seem to have gotten a lot out of working with me.  Could it be? Could I have found it – something I’m good at and love doing?
  • Relationships:  This has been such a mixed year on this front.  On the one, hand people have surprised me by how supportive and caring they have been, but on the other hand, I have had people be so awful to me and Mr.CC that it just boggles my mind.  My family and friends for the most part are so fabulous, I want to cry when I think of them.  Unfortunately, some of Mr. CC’s family are just plain awful.  Not all of them, many of them have been wonderful, but his closest family member, his mother, is just nuts.  I don’t want to get into it because I refuse to give that woman too much importance in this space, but she has caused Mr.CC (and to a lesser extent me), so much angst, heartache and pain in the last year that it is truly sad to see a mother treat her son like this.  It’s all about control and now that he refuses to let her control us, she’s trying to use financial means to do so.  Which brings us to:
  • Marriage:  Let’s just say it’s been a year of growth for us as a couple.  Which is a euphemism for – ‘Damn, it was hard, and sucked mightily and there were times when we really didn’t know what the hell we were doing together.’  Or honestly, I didn’t know what we were doing together.  Mr. CC’s mother can mess with us financially because of some of Mr.CC’s choices.  That I can deal with – we all make stupid choices until we know better.  The blow to our marriage came from the fact that these were choices he didn’t tell me about and at times, deliberately lied to me about.  It sucks, we’re working through it.  I’m pretty sure that we can – this is a strange issue.  It’s huge, without trust how can one have a relationship?  On the other hand,  it is small, in that it is just one area where Mr.CC is weird – where his mother is concerned.  Unfortunately since much of his financial life is entwined with his mother it has many consequences on us.  In every other area he is so rock solid it’s amazing.  So I go back and forth between deciding whether it’s a big deal and a deal breaker, or a small (but awful) flaw that I will have to learn to deal with and compensate for.  I was trying to force myself to figure it out and go one way or the other.  The truth is I don’t have enough information to make a judgment on this.  Five years from now I could look back and say ‘a bump in the road, glad we got over it’ or ‘he’s a big fat liar and I knew it five years ago, so I only have myself to blame for this mess.’  I’m OK with either of those consequences.  All I know is that with LittleC in the picture, I’m not willing to break up a family without being absolutely sure that we are at the end of the road.  Wow.  Not sure I had ever spelled it out to myself so clearly before.  Must blog more often.
  • Health:  With all of the above going on I have to admit health was not a big focus for me.  But I didn’t go off the rails and binge and comfort eat for a year either. I managed to continue to eat intuitively, I even managed to exercise here and there.  My weight went up and down, never more than a few pounds in either direction.  I am now a few pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight.  I am still heavier than I want to be.  I’m now working on cleaning up my diet while remaining intuitive and relaxed about it… which is pretty hard, and deserves a post on its own.

Well, time to end this so it posts and doesn’t end up in my ever increasing drafts folder! Hope to be here more.