Pregnancy


I haven’t written much about weight, in truth because I really didn’t give a damn about it with everything else that’s been going on and frankly, I’m OK, no actually, I’m thrilled about that.  Anytime weight is not something I’m thinking about it’s a good thing – unless I’m not thinking of it in an escapist, “if I pretend I haven’t gain 2o lbs then maybe I haven’t gained them” way.

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I turn 36 today – officially a old hag now.  It’s been a big year – getting married, changing jobs and leaving academia, and of course welcoming little c into our lives.  Yup, he’s here.  Arrived 2 weeks early on April 15th – I’ve been writing his birth story in dribs and drabs and hope to put it up here soon.  I definitely want a record of it and this is as good a place to put it as any.
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Yeah, that’s about as elegant a title you’re going to get out of me. I had my appointment with my midwife yesterday, and as the nurse is getting me prepped she says ‘So, what did you eat before your Glucose Screening Test’. Umm, nothing. I woke up, drove over to the lab and had it done. ‘Wow, your numbers are really high – normal is 140, you were 235’. WTF?!!
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Technically, it’s the end of second trimester blues.  I’m in week 27 and heading towards the end of the second trimester and am always exhausted.  I’m sleeping about 12 hours on the weekends and about 7 hours during the week, and could still sleep some more!  Honestly, this has thrown me for a bit of a loop.  I’m finding myself very whiny and upset about being so tired and unable to do the things I normally do.  It’s also scaring me.  While I know at an intellectual level this is because I’m pregnant, the energy I had during the second trimester let me forget it, and so I keep wondering if this is how I’m going to be for the rest of my life.  Which freaks me out!!
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I am a big girl (how big, people always want to know – 5′ 8″ 214 lbs pre pregnancy, somewhere between a size 16 – 18). I used to be smaller – around 180, but have been dieting all my life. Have always been considered overweight by myself and those around me. For about a year or so before I got pregnant I had been moving away from dieting and had been experimenting with intuitive eating. I had been in the first stage of intuitive eating – rejecting dieting and learning to make peace with food. I had only been moderately successful because no matter what, I could never really get to the point where I was not worrying about gaining weight. I may not have stood on the scale, and I may not have talked about it, but it was always there in the back of my mind. In hindsight, maybe ‘the year of weddings’ wasn’t the best time to try not worrying about my weight. What with all those dresses that I needed to fit into.
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2008 is over – what a year! A good year, but a very hectic year. I got married, got pregnant, changed jobs and eventually geared up to change careers. All good, but also very exhausting. Change is fabulous but can leave a person drained.
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I may have had a bit of a breakthrough regarding our house. I have pretty much spent the last 2 years feeling a little bit displaced and homeless. I moved in with Mr. CC in Oct 2006. I moved into his place, which used to be his parents house. His father passed away in 2001 and his mother continued to live here until 2004. The house was pretty much a shrine to his father in that very little had been moved since he had died. When I moved in five years after his death, the closets were still full of Mr. CC’s father’s clothes. The entire hallway smelled of medication because Mr. CC’s father had been sick for a very long time, and there were entire closets stuffed full of bandages and medications. It was quite possibly the creepiest and saddest house I had ever lived in. To be honest, I’m not sure moving in here when I did was a good idea – the house and all the accompanying craziness came pretty close to breaking us up. On the other hand, we’re still together and our relationship has never been stronger so who knows, maybe it was a necessary step – but it was bloody hard.
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