wedding


Continuing with the grouchy theme. I’m a little tired of dealing with ethnocentric people. Given that I live in a small town, there’s a lot of them. The only thing more annoying than the people who refuse to even contemplate that there is life outside the United States, are those who have some inkling of it, and presume that now they know it all and can tell you all about it. Usually I tend to give people a lot of leeway and make excuses for them, especially if I know that it’s just ignorance and not intentional. But lately, the ignorance has begun to really grate on me and I find myself being a little short. There are a couple of older men in my department who consider themselves very knowledgeable about India because they have read a few articles. Oh and a few have spent a month or two in India, which naturally, makes them experts. We have these ridiculous conversations about my upcoming wedding because they want to talk about the ‘crazy circus’ that is the Indian Wedding. I’ll be the first to admit that they can get a little out of hand, but I refuse to go along with ‘Hyuk, Hyuk, what a ridiculous set of ceremonies’ conversations. Which leads to a lot of awkward silences. And I am ashamed to say that I have often resorted to using The ToneTM. You know, the one where you remove all hint of inflection, emotion, or anything that would even remotely suggest that the words are being spoken by a human being; thus allowing the true subtext ( YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT) to shine through.

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I’m wondering if I’m resistance to planning the American wedding is rooted in something other than ignorance and my belief that ‘I’m not-the-type-to-obsess-over-wedding-details’.  After all, I’m managing to do the needful for the Indian wedding – even though there are times when I really don’t want to deal.   
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First, the update on the yoga. 13 days in and I know that at this point in my life I am nowhere near ready to be doing this everyday… So, it is now being scaled down to 3 times a week… lets see if I can do that on a consistent basis.

But what I am occupied with lately is weddings – more specifically, my weddings. Yes, in the plural. Don’t worry, it’s to the same man. We’re having one wedding in January and another in June. Why? Oh, I don’t know, because I decided that my descent into dementia wasn’t occurring fast enough and I needed to speed it along? We are having one wedding in India because that is where my family is and one wedding here in Coldville, U.S.A. (yes, that’s a lame attempt at a pseudonym, still haven’t figured out how anonymous I want to be here on the interwebs) since that is where the Mr. CourseCorrection-to-be’s (no clever name for him yet, either. I’m working on it.) family is. The ceremony in India will be a Hindu ceremony, while the ceremony here will be a more American, for lack of a better term, one. It’s not religious so I can’t call it Christian, but it will have the traditional elements of a wedding held here.

While both sets of immediate family would have made it no matter where we held the wedding, the extended family would not have. And both Mr. CC and I agree that a wedding is about bringing family and friends together and into your life. I knew that I wanted a traditional ceremony in India, with all my friends and family present. Having decided on that, we realized that most of Mr. CC’s family wouldn’t make it to India and it felt unfair to deprive him of the opportunity to celebrate with his family and friends in a way that is familiar to them. My family and I wouldn’t have felt like a wedding has occurred without all the craziness that is a traditional Indian wedding, and so it’s only fair to plan a celebration that he and his family can be a part of.

That said, I never thought I would be in this position. Prior to getting engaged I had not spent one second thinking about my wedding – except for a tantrum during my brother’s wedding when I hissed at my mother ‘I will only have 10 people at my wedding – counting my groom and myself’. She wasn’t impressed. “So, between you and your groom and your immediate family it’s already 7 people. What if he has siblings, will they not be allowed?” And just like that, my grand pronouncement was entirely overpowered by her focus on the details. Does your mother do that too? Go off on a tangent that seems connected, but is so far from the content of what you are saying that within seconds you are mired in some alternate universe and you forgot your original (but damn it had some flair!) point… I hope it’s something that is lying dormant in me – a very useful skill that.

But the point being, I didn’t think about weddings, thought I would eventually find someone and get married, the wedding would consist of a pretty standard Hindu ceremony, some Rajasthani customs and that would be that. Now I’m planning two. While the wedding in India doesn’t really require much from me – the parental unit has taken over, and you have no idea how grateful I am that I don’t have to do much other than show up. But the wedding here is another story. This is my show and I feel completely unequipped to handle it. I wander around and when it comes time to make decisions, I’m stumped. I have no idea what I like. Wedding colors? Do I really need colours? Bridal parties? Dresses? The only thing I have an opinion on is cake! I’m not sure how I’m going to figure all this out… And to be honest I feel like I’m faking it, like I’m play acting and that’s not a good feeling at all.